"Heeey, you've reached Yang! Well, actually, you didn't reach far enough, 'cause I'm not here right now! But don't yang up! Just leave a message on this baby, and I'll get back to you soon enough, okay?"
[Naoki blinks, as though pulled out of a deep daze, when Yang's thumbs press into his palm. He looks down at it, at her fingers, before looking at her face and her frown. Ah... He curls his fingers in response, gently flexing them.]
I thought that, too. I tried to understand, I mean, I thought I did get some of it. Roughly why they were going with the Reasons that they were, why they'd want worlds like that, and I kept chasing after them 'cause I wanted to talk with them.
[But no-one ever asked him so much what he wanted.]
I think they came to see me as a demon. The Demi-fiend.
[It's plagued him, too. The tenseness of his hand is slowly loosening as she presses her fingers into his skin, though. Feeling a wash of tiredness, he shakes his head.]
[That's right. And Isamu and Chiaki had... they'd...
They'd gone at every opportunity. Lashed out at him when he'd failed. Used him. His fingers twitch, curling. Killed and sacrificed and he wishes things had been different he misses them and yet he doesn't want to see them again.] I know you are. Though I still regret a lot.
That's fine. It's not like there aren't things that I still kind of regret. [ She won't tell him not to lament the more painful things that have happened. ] You were hurt. It's okay to be sad about it.
[ She squeezes his hand between hers. ]
But don't ever feel like it was because you didn't do enough, Naoki. You fought really hard, didn't you?
[But there's humour despite a telling quaver in his voice. His head ducks down lower before he just gives in and turns it to the side, resting it against her shoulder. No, don't look at him. No, he's not crying. He hasn't for this long.
It's complicated.] You know, I... I need to apologise to you for something, Yang.
Because for a while, I've been trying not to trust you.
[And he lifts his head away from her shoulder at this, knowing the way it sounds, his hand pulling slightly against her grip. Guilt. His tone doesn't hide it well.] But you trust me.
[ She won't deny that I've been trying not to trust you hurts a little, and she's sure he'll feel that, but even as the thought twinges in her chest, her grip tightens on his hand. No, don't. ]
With what happened with your friends, I get why you'd have problems with it. And it's not like we've known each other as long, like you said.
... But I trust you. And you can trust me, when you're ready to. Or not-- it's not going to make me hate you.
[He did, and it hurts him to feel, but what surprises him is how her grip tightens. He stops trying to pull away immediately, his hand going lax in hers as he looks at her.]
I... I'm telling you 'cause I want to stop doubting. I can't do it anymore, not with you. [He wants to just be able to trust normally again, like a normal person. He wants to trust her.
Yang, who's said so many things to him that mean so much and she's sure she doesn't even realise.]
There's a lot more things you should know about me, too. I... don't think I can say them right now, but when I can... I will. And no matter how you think of me after, it'll be fine.
[Naoki smiles weakly. Think she's not as cool? He doubts that. But what she says makes him exhale, his fingers flexing before curling around her hand.]
I'm not going to cry. [The strength seems to have gone out of him, though, and he slumps next to her, like he might tilt over onto her but he doesn't yet.] My thoughts aren't gonna change either.
We're-- I'm...
Even though... it's probably unfair of me [because he'd fought against himself when it came to trusting her], I've always been thinking of us as friends too.
[ But she says it lightly, glancing at their hands in a pensive moment-- before she tilts her head invitingly. He can lean on her. ]
But unfair or not, I'm really glad that you have.
[ Because it meant that, even while he was fighting against himself, even after he'd been hurt so much by his own friends, he'd still wanted to be her friend. This wasn't as one-sided as she'd been concerned about. ]
Besides, you were stuck with me when you said 'yes' to the whole training thing, so friendship just makes the deal easier for you.
[That little tilt of her head is all he needs to lean over, against her, their shoulders touching before he slumps a little further and rests his head against her shoulder. He can feel a little of her hair brushing against him, ticklish but comfortable.
His eyes close. He's relieved. It finally feels like something's unwound. And despite what he's told her, Yang still wants to be friends with him. He exhales a soft laugh.]
I'm okay with being stuck with you. [He's decided.] But, at this rate, you're really gonna wind up stuck with me.
[ She won't laugh, but the smile's present in her voice, and she cants her head ever so slightly to rest against his. She can't sense emotions like he can, but it feels as though some tension's drained out of him. Like he's finally, truly relaxed.
So in the end, she was able to do something for him? She hopes that's the case. ]
Mmmm-- [Naoki pretends like he has to think about it.] A bit of both?
[He's going to stop doubting, he says to himself, finally he's going to stop. Even if it's frightening, he doesn't want to lose this. It's... been a while since he thought about something like that, especially about a friend.
Naoki's cheek rubs a little to Yang's shoulder as he settles in some more.]
Well-- [ Spoken with a bit of a sigh. ] If it's a threat, you're going to have to do a lot better. And if it's a promise, then I definitely want you to keep it.
[ Yang holds still, though-- which could be a bit of an oddity, considering how she's usually on the move, but even she can be patient. And this isn't exactly unpleasant. ]
[Naoki just smiles at that.] ...I'll keep 'em both in mind.
[And then his eyes close. She's staying so still. Is this comfortable for her? Her head resting on his is pleasant... Inane thoughts like this drag through his head and he pushes back against a persistent tiredness, the kind of tired that comes when you've finally been able to solve something worrying you.]
[Again-- she's saying those kinds of things that burrow deep. Warm. He's going to try his best to believe it. Yang will feel his fingers tightening slightly with hers.]
...Thanks.
Also for, y'know. [More amused--] Being considerate of my personal guy stuff.
[But he feels grateful, but how do you say that he's glad not to be left alone without it sounding either 1) too vulnerable or 2) calling on sadder past experiences? It's tricky. So he'll just hum.]
Hm-- I'm still just as happy to hear it now.
[He seems to come back to himself when she pats his back, opening his eyes and tipping his head to glance at her face.]
[Naoki's gaze drifts off to the side. He does look droopy and he does feel sleepy, but... Isn't it a waste?] You're gonna have a harder time slipping out if I conk out on you, right?
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I thought that, too. I tried to understand, I mean, I thought I did get some of it. Roughly why they were going with the Reasons that they were, why they'd want worlds like that, and I kept chasing after them 'cause I wanted to talk with them.
[But no-one ever asked him so much what he wanted.]
I think they came to see me as a demon. The Demi-fiend.
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It's not like you stopped being Naoki, so why was that so hard to get?
[ If they were his friends, why hadn't they bothered to listen? ]
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[It's plagued him, too. The tenseness of his hand is slowly loosening as she presses her fingers into his skin, though. Feeling a wash of tiredness, he shakes his head.]
I don't know what I should've done.
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[ She can't say it for certain, but she's nearly positive that Naoki did all that he could have done, without compromising his morals. ]
Friend's a two-way thing. You can go as far as you can, but if the other person won't try to meet you, it won't work.
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[That's right. And Isamu and Chiaki had... they'd...
They'd gone at every opportunity. Lashed out at him when he'd failed. Used him. His fingers twitch, curling. Killed and sacrificed and he wishes things had been different he misses them and yet he doesn't want to see them again.] I know you are. Though I still regret a lot.
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[ She squeezes his hand between hers. ]
But don't ever feel like it was because you didn't do enough, Naoki. You fought really hard, didn't you?
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[But there's humour despite a telling quaver in his voice. His head ducks down lower before he just gives in and turns it to the side, resting it against her shoulder. No, don't look at him. No, he's not crying. He hasn't for this long.
It's complicated.] You know, I... I need to apologise to you for something, Yang.
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Why me?
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[And he lifts his head away from her shoulder at this, knowing the way it sounds, his hand pulling slightly against her grip. Guilt. His tone doesn't hide it well.] But you trust me.
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With what happened with your friends, I get why you'd have problems with it. And it's not like we've known each other as long, like you said.
... But I trust you. And you can trust me, when you're ready to. Or not-- it's not going to make me hate you.
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I... I'm telling you 'cause I want to stop doubting. I can't do it anymore, not with you. [He wants to just be able to trust normally again, like a normal person. He wants to trust her.
Yang, who's said so many things to him that mean so much and she's sure she doesn't even realise.]
There's a lot more things you should know about me, too. I... don't think I can say them right now, but when I can... I will. And no matter how you think of me after, it'll be fine.
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As your friend, though, I'm pretty sure my opinion on you isn't gonna turn bad.
Even if you end up crying on me now.
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I'm not going to cry. [The strength seems to have gone out of him, though, and he slumps next to her, like he might tilt over onto her but he doesn't yet.] My thoughts aren't gonna change either.
We're-- I'm...
Even though... it's probably unfair of me [because he'd fought against himself when it came to trusting her], I've always been thinking of us as friends too.
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[ But she says it lightly, glancing at their hands in a pensive moment-- before she tilts her head invitingly. He can lean on her. ]
But unfair or not, I'm really glad that you have.
[ Because it meant that, even while he was fighting against himself, even after he'd been hurt so much by his own friends, he'd still wanted to be her friend. This wasn't as one-sided as she'd been concerned about. ]
Besides, you were stuck with me when you said 'yes' to the whole training thing, so friendship just makes the deal easier for you.
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His eyes close. He's relieved. It finally feels like something's unwound. And despite what he's told her, Yang still wants to be friends with him. He exhales a soft laugh.]
I'm okay with being stuck with you. [He's decided.] But, at this rate, you're really gonna wind up stuck with me.
[reciprocal being stuck with each other...]
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[ She won't laugh, but the smile's present in her voice, and she cants her head ever so slightly to rest against his. She can't sense emotions like he can, but it feels as though some tension's drained out of him. Like he's finally, truly relaxed.
So in the end, she was able to do something for him? She hopes that's the case. ]
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[He's going to stop doubting, he says to himself, finally he's going to stop. Even if it's frightening, he doesn't want to lose this. It's... been a while since he thought about something like that, especially about a friend.
Naoki's cheek rubs a little to Yang's shoulder as he settles in some more.]
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[ Yang holds still, though-- which could be a bit of an oddity, considering how she's usually on the move, but even she can be patient. And this isn't exactly unpleasant. ]
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[And then his eyes close. She's staying so still. Is this comfortable for her? Her head resting on his is pleasant... Inane thoughts like this drag through his head and he pushes back against a persistent tiredness, the kind of tired that comes when you've finally been able to solve something worrying you.]
I don't like breaking promises anyway.
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... You know, unless it's personal guy stuff.
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...Thanks.
Also for, y'know. [More amused--] Being considerate of my personal guy stuff.
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[ but she lightly squeezes his fingers, drawing one hand back to pat his back. ]
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Hm-- I'm still just as happy to hear it now.
[He seems to come back to himself when she pats his back, opening his eyes and tipping his head to glance at her face.]
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So, is it your turn to conk out on me? You look droopy.
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[Naoki's gaze drifts off to the side. He does look droopy and he does feel sleepy, but... Isn't it a waste?] You're gonna have a harder time slipping out if I conk out on you, right?
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